A Love Letter To Luxury Bath Tissue

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This is a love letter, if you will, to bath tissue. 
One might ask… why write such a thing? 

First, the obvious answer is: Imagine life without it.At this point, not only should there be unanimous support for said love letter… but there should be a lineup of readers prepared to pen their own ode to le papier toilette. 
And yes, let’s all admit this is... a sensitive topic. Therefore, perhaps the best path to kneeling at the altar of bath tissue is to do so with humility. And a sense of humor. 
So let’s wipe away any pretense, clean up any remaining controversy, and I’ll ply you with a tale and double-ply you with details of the greatness of luxury bath tissue. 

Herein lies the top 5 reasons COPPER+CRANE Bath Tissue is well worth the indulgence, and in fact, isn’t an indulgence but rather a perfectly rational way to elevate your experience in the bath. 
5) The first thing you discover when you explore the greatness of COPPER+CRANE Bath Tissue is a “folded tail.” This is truly a very rare experience in the world of bath tissue. What is a folded tail? Have you noticed each time you open a new roll of plebian toilet paper, the first square is stuck to the roll? Such an unartful presentation. With COPPER+CRANE, the “tail” is carefully folded and then delicately attached solely along the edge with knife-like precision. No, this technology is not quite on the level of launching a rocket, but it is close enough. 
4) Why is COPPER+CRANE bath tissue 4 layers? 1-ply is out of the question. Dear reader, please. We’re in the 21st century. 2-ply is the minimum for comfort. And you deserve more than the minimum when it comes to personal body care. 3-ply is now what qualifies as plush, but you and I know better. There must be something more! The makers of COPPER+CRANE believe when you disappear into the bath for moments of serenity, you deserve the best. That is why COPPER+CRANE Bath Tissue is 4-ply. 
And though it is 4-ply, our bath tissue is safe for standard sewer and septic systems. 
3) No detail goes unnoticed. The makers of COPPER+CRANE have gone even further by packaging this remarkable modern creation in a beautiful box that is so glamorous that it reflects the luxurious aspirations you share with COPPER+CRANE. Yes, even bath tissue can evoke a world of sensorial indulgence. 
2) More so than other bath tissue, one can imagine using 4-ply COPPER+CRANE for other reasons. It’s so plush and absorbent, it could comfortably be used to wipe off makeup, or wipe up a wet spot on your counter. 
1) This small-batch production method truly delivers luxury. The makers of COPPER+CRANE Bath Tissue use a double embossing process designed to provide maximum fluffiness, thickness, absorbency and softness by creating a beautiful decorative texture for the top 2 plies of the tissue, and a soft subtle texture for the bottom 2 plies. 

We hope you explore the luxurious world of COPPER+CRANE Bath Tissue. 

One last thing, dear reader, before we flush this conversation down and move on… don’t let anyone tell you that toilet paper puns are tearable.